Relating on a Molecular Level
by NoShameHere
Summary: Penguins. We were just penguins. We weren't intelligent enough for anything more than abstract thought and basic communication. Well that is where you are wrong. My name is Bratumil Private Guerrero… and this is where our story begins. REWRITE. :D
1. Prologue

_ Penguins. We were just penguins. No one would ever expect us to do anything more that smile and wave, and perform our little tricks. We weren't intelligent enough for anything more than abstract thought and basic communication. We couldn't… feel like people could. I've always resented that. Those thoughts will be put to an end, soon, of course… But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, aren't I? No, our story begins, not as penguins… but as humans. Sometimes I wonder if it truly was an accident that made all of this happen… and sometimes I wonder if it was fate. There are so many things that would have never happened if this little accident hadn't occurred, both good and bad. _

_ Our adventure began on a nice summer day. We were in the HQ, getting ready to go topside. Kowalski had been… distracted lately, with his new invention. It was "going to revolutionize stealth" as he put it. Of course, I had no idea what any of it was, that he was doing. I just hoped it wouldn't blow up in our faces…. Like it usually did. Hehe, a bit ironic I guess. Technically it didn't blow up in our faces… It blew up everywhere. _

_ My name is Bratumil Private Guerrero… and this is where our story begins._


	2. Boom

Skipper, Rico, and Private stared at Kowalski curiously, and for Skipper a bit annoyed, as he worked non stop, not noticing they were even there. After a moment, Skipper stepped forward.

"Kowalski!" he shouted. Kowalski jumped nearly dropping one of his tools.

"Oh, yes?" Kowalski said, grabbing his goggles and a blowtorch, looking at Skipper.

"What on earth are you working on?" He asked. Kowalski beamed proudly.

"_This_," He said with much grandeur, "Is a molecular organizer." He said. The others stared.

"_And a molecular organizer is...?" _Skipper asked bluntly. Kowalski grinned slipping over to the other side of the good sized machine.

"Tell me Skipper, what is the main problem we face when trying to get information from others? And while we're on recon?" He asked, pulling his goggles down and sealing two metal pieces together.

"Uh..." Skipper trailed off.

"The problem is," Kowalski said, that people don't trust just anyone. "They won't tell us what they know." Kowalski said, sealing two other bits together.

"Well yeah, that's why we go on recon." Skipper said crossing his flippers.

"Ah, and that is another thing. Wouldn't it be so much easier to go on recon when in disguise?" Kowalski said, tightening a bolt. Skipper stared uninterested.

"Are you going somewhere with this, Kowalski?" Skipper asked. Kowalski tapped two wires together.

"Finished!" He exclaimed.

"But," Private said speaking up, "you still haven't told us what it does." Kowalski grinned and shoved Rico on a large red X in front of the machine, then proceeded to turn knobs and press seemingly random buttons.

"Okay, this should only hurt... well I won't lie." He then pressed a big green button and a bolt of light quickly shot out at Rico. There was a bright flash, and then it was over. Skipper and Private coughed and wafted the smoke away. Private looked up.

"Where's Rico?" he exclaimed, when he saw Rico was no longer there. Kowalski pointed to a mouse that was now scurrying around the floor.

"Rico!" Skipper looked at the black furred mouse with wide eyes.

"Kaboom!" It squeaked, clearly pleased with the light and sounds that had occurred.

"Kowalski what did you just do!" Private squealed.

"Don't worry," Kowalski said flipping a switch, "this is completely reversible." He pressed the button again, and in no time Rico was back to normal. "This," Kowalski continued, "Can change us into absolutely any species we choose, enabling us to gain access to any habitat without suspicion." he finished, with a smug, self satisfied, and well deserved grin on his face. the three stared for a moment taking in what he'd just said, then after a moment Skipper spoke.

"Kowalski," He said, "You have really outdone yourself."

Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Rico relaxed on their artificial ice floe, enjoying the fish they had just brought in with their usual routine of entertaining those who came to the zoo. The four looked up from their fish when a slight drizzle began to fall, slowly the people began leaving or pulling out umbrellas. The penguins of course ignored it, but then if rained harder... and harder. Soon enough the four were taking the rest of their fish below ground to get out of the thunder storm. They dried off once down in the HQ, and of course went about their normal business.

This was after all, no different than any other storm they've experienced...

"Private, why don't you whip us up a couple of smoothies, Rico-" Skipper stopped when thunder boomed and the power went out. "Ah, not again!" Skipper shouted, remembering the chaos that had ensued last time they went without power. "Kowalski, options! we don't want a repeat of jungle law." Kowalski attempted to sketch something on his note pad but realized no one would see it anyway.

"I thought this could happen again so I created a back up generator. It should be just enough to power the zoo." Kowalski said.

"Right, let's get it out here." Skipper said. After a few moments of stumbling and bumping into anything and everything, Kowalski found the generator.

"Alright, I've got it, I just need to test it to make sure it's stable..." Kowalski felt around for the nearest electronic device. Unfortunately that 'nearest electronic device' had been the molecular organizer. There was a bright flash of light, then a huge explosion...


	3. Side effects

Skipper groaned and opened his eyes. He felt... strange... unfamiliar. He didn't like that. Slowly he rolled over.

"Oh, my head." He moaned. It felt like he'd been struck in the head by... by... well by a large piece of concrete actually. He looked up and law the night sky, then looked to his side to find he was laying quite the ways from his habitat, on the sidewalk. That explained his aching head. Yes, he remembered now, something had went wrong with that generator.

"Kowalski." He said, his throat dry. He got no answer. "Kowalski?" Skipper tried to sit up, and noticed he felt much more different than he first thought. He was freezing for one. A penguin shouldn't be cold on a summer's night, it just wasn't natural. For another, he felt as though he was... well he couldn't quite place it, just that he wasn't... him.

Skipper shut eyes, tightened his jaw as he sat up. For a moment he just sat there until the pain in his head dulled. Finally he opened his eyes. He was... higher up? He rubbed his head and froze. This... wasn't right. he tightened his hold on a feather... but there was more than feathers there. He grabbed a thick strand of black hair and yanked, holding it in front of his face. Not only did he see the black hair, but he saw that what was holding the hair was most definitely _not_ a flipper.

Skipper jumped up, his eyes darting all around. Through the darkness he spotted three other figures, and they were- He made a small embarrassed noise, nude. He darted behind a fake palm tree for fear of being seen, though there were no others around at the moment.

"Men!" He hissed quietly. "Wake up!" He called a little louder. One of them stirred. They whimpered.

"Skippah? Is that you?" The one closest to him moved. "Oh, my head hurts... Skippah, where are you?" Skipper winced. Private was clearly in as much, if not more pain than he.

"Private," he hissed, "Hide behind something, now." Skipper inspected his surroundings as Private struggled to move behind another nearby plant, to dazed to realized yet that something was wrong.

"Skippah-"

"Shush!" Skipper hissed.

"Skippah," Private whispered, "what happened? I don't feel right..." Private said.

"Private, look at your flip- ah, hands!" Skipper whispered.

"Don't you mean..." Skipper heard Private go silent.

"Don't yell, we need to keep our cover." Skipper whispered. Private only whimpered. "Now, listen to me, wake Kowalski and Rico, but do it quietly.

"Kowalski, Rico..." Private whispered after a moment, still with more than a hint of fear. This time another one stirred, mumbling.

"Carry the eight... molecular structure... reaction... " It was Kowalski of course.

"Kowalski!" Private whispered. "Kowalski- Oh!" Private darted behind the brush even further as he finally realized none of them had clothes.

"...Private? ...Skipper? Oh, my head... Rico?"

"Rico's not awake yet, get behind something before someone sees you." Skipper whispered. Skipper took this time to figure out just exactly what they were up against. Well, they were human, there was no doubt about that. He shuddered.

"Ah!" they heard Kowalski shout.

"Sh!" Skipper whispered harshly.

"I'm human!" Kowalski whispered, still rather loudly.

"I know," Skipper said, quietly, "We all are. Rico. Rico!" Skipper growled then snatched up a rock and tossed it at Rico, wincing when it connected sharply with his head, quite a bit harder than he meant for it to. The last figure, growled.

"Err..." Rico stirred. "Oh..." they saw Rico's silhouette, clutching his head. "Ow..." Rico moaned.

"Rico!" Skipper whispered. Rico looked around him. "Hu?" He mumbled. "Rico, get behind something now, before someone comes." Skippered whispered. Rico, casually got up. Though they could only see his shadow they could just plain feel him tense.

"Rico," Skipper said in what was clearly a warning tone. "Just keep quiet, and get behind something. Yes, yes we are human." They watched Rico stiffly walk over and hide behind a guide sign, staring down at his hands. They were all quiet for a moment.

"Okay..." Skipper said finally. "What exactly is our situation?" He heard Kowalski shift.

"Um, well Skipper... We're human, and an explosion like that will have surely destroyed the molecular organizer... which was obviously what caused this... I won't be able to make another one for months, and that's if I can even get my hands on all the supplies. I've been gathering those supplies for months... we have no place to stay, nothing to eat, nothing that is required to live as humans, and... we don't have clothes. All in all... Not good." Skipper sighed.

"Okay, men, let's just... try to make the best of this. We'll get back to normal, after all, a penguin never quits!" Skipper said.

"Uh, Skipper-" Kowalski started but was interrupted.

"We're penguins at heart!" He hissed. "Now, our first order of business... getting clothes. Kowalski options." Skipper said.

"I suggest we make our way to the gift shop. As you know they sell t shirts to promote the zoo, and zookeepers extra uniforms are also stored there. I suggest we take the pants of the work uniforms, and a gift-shop shirt in order to not be confused with a zookeeper, then quietly sneak out the back entrance. Luckily we regularly take out the zoo's security system..." Kowalski said as an afterthought.

"Alright... commence operation normality, go go go!" The four dropped to the ground in an attempt to slide, and went nowhere.

"This is going to take some getting use to..." Skipper said.

~

"Alright," Skipper said, adjusting his shirt, looking at the others' shadows. Turning the light on, of course, would be two risky. If someone had spotted them there was no way they could hide in their condition. "We need to get out of here now. We can come back after the zoo opens to salvage what we can, but if we stay, we will get caught, and we can't give them any answers as to why we're here. Now let's- Ow, Kowalski watch it!" Skipper said, shoving Kowalski away.

"Sorry Skipper, it appears the molecular organizer has given me some unwanted side effects. I can't see very well." Kowalski said.

"Come one, let's get somewhere where there's light." Skipper said. The four slipped out of the gift shop and scaled the wall. Skipper, Rico, Private, and Kowalski walked through New York city attempting to find shelter for the night.

"Simply a building that requires no payment for entry." Kowalski had said. So now, as they walked, their eyes skillfully swept over each and every building watching as people paid when they went into restaurants and night clubs, simply passing by hotels as they learned some time ago that those were human residents in which payment was needed to stay there.  
"There." Skipper said, pointing to a large building. He glanced back at the others seeing them slightly better in the new york lighting, but still not enough to figure out what each of them looked like yet. He knew they'd all be shocked when they finally did. Kowalski squinted in the complete opposite direction.

He was right, he'd been running into poles and posts all night. They had to do something about that. Skipper quickly walked over to him and redirected his vision to the building. "Ah, I see... okay I see a lot of blurry shapes, but I also see flashing lights. I believe this is what the humans refer to ask a night club." Kowalski said.

"It'll have to do, but we will have to get pass that guy..." Skipper said noticing the man standing next to the door way, blocking some people from entering. An easy task.  
"Kowalski, options." Skipper said.

"I suggest a distraction. Merely throwing something at the back entrance should work, but getting in the back itself is sure to get us caught. Get the man to leave and check the back, then simply waltz through the front door." he said.

"Right." Skipper said nodding. He glanced around, then spotted a can on the ground. He kept his eye on the man and when he wasn't looking, picked up the can. The four casually and slowly walked down the street, and when the man wasn't looking again, Skipper chucked the can at the back door with more strength than he knew he had. The man standing by the door, obviously delivered a warning to the people waiting to get in, and ran off to the back. People from further down the line bolted right with the four and went in. The four walked through the door and stared. Skipper mainly in disgust.

"Fish and chips man, it's just like the lemurs place in here." he said, though he couldn't be heard over the music. Skipper looked at the others then nodded towards the restrooms. Skipper, Rico and Private, began walking. Kowalski, who couldn't see, stayed put. Skipper sighed, then grabbed his shirt and led the way.

As they walked, Skipper felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He wasn't at all familiar with the way human hair reacted, but he was sure it had to do with the feeling he had that they were being watched... and they were. He noticed that as they went through everyone stopped and stared. Everyone.

He wasn't sure what to make of it as they didn't seem to stare at them in a negative way. Well actually they got a lot of glares from the male half of the room... Finally they burst through the bathroom doors, just as a man was walking out. The four stopped temporarily blinded by the light after having been in the dark for long. They all faced each other, rubbing their eyes. After a brief moment the four looked up.

"...Oh my..." Private said.

"Well this is... this is... " Skipper was at a loss of words.

Rico mutter something that was indistinguishable.

"I still can't see." Kowalski said bluntly.

Skipper caught sight of himself in the mirror. As penguins, they all had a natural layer of fat to insulate them from the cold. It didn't matter how much they had worked out, they would always keep the figure they had... but now as humans, all that training really showed. Skipper stared at himself. He was average sized, if not a tad short, all muscle, had bright blue eyes, black hair that was naturally parted at the side, coming down to the top of his ears, and stubble on his face. That was going to bother him. He wore what the others wore of course, zookeeper pants and a t shirt, each with their own silhouette on it.

He looked over at Rico who was also staring at a mirror wide eyes. Rico was... huge. He still had his scar across his mouth and down his neck, and his hair was wild, going in every direction, and his eyes, which looked stunned to say the least, were a brilliant shade of green.

Skipper snapped his attention over at Kowalski, who was staring into space with wide open eyes as though that would help him see better. Kowalski looked... his build was less than the others, but still impressive, more gymnast-like. He was thinly built and fairly tall, and his hair, was very... unKowalski-like, being long, coming down to the middle of his back and hanging in front of his face rather than short and swept back as they had expected, nearly completely covering his blue green eyes.

"Skippah... is this normal?" Skipper turned to Private.

"No Private, I don't believe that is." Skipper said, fairly surprised.

Private was not like the other three at all. Yes, he was just as well built as the others, he looked quite young, but could perhaps pass for twenty two, but as your attention was directed up to the face you would notice that just past pool blue eyes, hovered white hair and eyebrows. Anyone would be able to tell his hair was not died.

"Kowalski, what to you make of this?" Skipper said shoving Kowalski in front of Private. The three stared as Private stood nervously. Kowalski squinted.

"His hair is white, Skipper." Kowalski said.

"I know that. I want to know why." Skipper said. Kowalski thought a second.

"It must be a mutation. A side effect from the molecular organizer, like my inability to see." Kowalski said. "Though this side effect is a lot less disabling..." Skipper heard Kowalski grumble.

"'Tha's just freaky." The voice they heard was deep, clearly masculine, and had a slight tinge of German accent to it. Skipper, Private, and Kowalski looked up, and over at Rico. Rico stood stock still, eyes wide.

"I... I can... for the love of all things flammable I can talk!" Rico shouted, his hands flying up to his head. The other three stood there shocked while Rico laughed, repeating over and over again. "I can talk! I can talk! I can talk!" Rico suddenly kicked the sink, in his excitement, denting the pipe.

"I never knew the possibilities of that machine." Kowalski whispered. Skipper, of course, by then had found out his mutation.

He reached up to his hair and plucked a slick black feather, twirling it in his fingers.


	4. The Cover Story Reflex

The four jumped suddenly as a man entered the bathroom, shouting back at a girl, who was obviously in relation to him.

"I'm tired of it, every five minuted I catch you glancing at another ma-" The guy stopped spotting the four staring at him nervously. "And there they are." He turned and left the bathroom.

"Perhaps we should leave, maybe blend in with the humans." Kowalski said. The others nodded, and they stepped out of the bathroom, Kowalski still unable to see, bashing his face off the door frame on his way out.

"Gah, Skipper I can't take much more of this!" Kowalski shouted holding his nose that was now bleeding.

"Oh, jeez, are you okay?" The four started when they heard a voice behind them. Then another spoke.

"Oh, man, you look like you need a couple of tissues. Some glasses wouldn't hurt you either..." The first voice had been fairly soft, definitely female, and somewhat shy. The second voice was also female, but louder, quite obviously more outgoing. Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico looked over to see the two women standing there.

One was slightly short, just over five feet, with dark blond hair, blue green eyes, and wore what looked like a white work shirt and jeans. The other was tall, tan, had dark hair, dark lipstick, green eyeshadow, wore a tank top, a ton of jewelry, and a jean skirt. Kowalski, instead of staring, replied awkwardly.

"I don't wear... glasses..."

The taller woman looked at him like he was crazy while the shorter laughed.

"Here," She said, "try these." She rummaged around her purse, saying. "I've got an old pair of glasses in here, and my new ones are at home. I don't like wearing them often, they tend to make things filmy when I'm not focused on something." pulling out glasses that were rectangular and wire rimmed. She brushed back his hair and slid the glasses onto his face.

Kowalski adjusted them and looked up blinking. They weren't great. Things were still fuzzy far away, and up close wasn't the best, be he could definitely see clear enough to make out the people around him.

"Yes, I can see!" He said, then looked at the others standing next to him, and screamed. realizing who he was staring at he grinned sheepishly.

"Oh, sorry." He said, feeling heat creep up his face, with the weird looks he was getting. Private looked at him and saw, now that his eyes had adjusted, that Kowalski's face was red.  
"Kowalski, you face just turned a bright red color." Private said. Kowalski frowned. He had felt his face grow hot, but to have it turn red?

Mammalian anatomy. Who understood it?

He was jolted out of his thoughts by the taller girl, throwing her arm around him, handing him a tissue.

"Here, you're bleeding on the floor, hon." She said grinning. Kowalski took the tissue gingerly and held it to his nose.

"Kowalski?" The shorter girl said. "That's an unusual name, it's nice." Kowalski looked at her and grinned nervously.

"Speaking of names," the taller girl said, still leaning on Kowalski like a too tall armrest,  
"I'm Tina, this is Heather." she said pointing to the shorter girl. Tina looked at Skipper. "So, who are you? We haven't seen you 'round here before." She said. Skipper frowned, then pointed to Rico.

"This is Rico, that's Private, I'm Skipper." he said, crossing his arms. Tina stared, a rather bored look on her face.

"No seriously." She said.

"Actually he's quite serious, they're nick names." Kowalski said thinking up a quick lie. The others looked at him as he spoke, and the action seemed almost involuntary. "Private and Skipper's is anyway." he said. Then he blinked, looking surprised. Heather walked over to Kowalski and Tina, yanking Tina off him.

"Some weird nick names." Tina said.

"It's a long story..." Skipper said looking at Kowalski as he cleaned himself up, looking rather confused himself.

"So what's with the zoo shirt anyway?" Tina asked. Heather frowned at her. Skipper opened his mouth to answer, when suddenly Kowalski reacted again.

"It's actually very complicated, as you'll find out if you keep asking questions. You could call it a secret group believing that penguins are the best survivors in the wild when it comes to the more complex organisms in the Animalia kingdom. It somewhat explains the nick names, but we can't go into much detail about it. If you ask enough questions you'll hear Skipper tell you plenty of times that it's classified." He said. He blinked again.

The two girls stared at him, Tina like he was nuts, Heather quite interested.

"Oh, penguins, they're fascinating creatures, but I must ask, why choose them as the best fit to survive?" She asked. Private, Rico, and Skipper stared at Kowalski, amazed at his lying ability as he replied with,

"Oh, yes you wouldn't think they would be, and some if not most groups of penguins aren't. It used to be that no penguins out in the wild knew how to defend themselves more than you think they would now, but after many years of domestication, putting them into zoos, some interesting research has been noted." He said. They could see a clear look of worry on Kowalski's face, and it became clear the when he gave these lies, they were an involuntary reflex. Something was going on. Heather walked over to a chair.

"Really, I thought being in zoos, their life would be much easier. Wouldn't that result in an even lessened defensive ability?" She asked. Kowalski laughed, his lying reflex kicking more and more.

"You would think so, but no. As it turned out one particular group of penguins had picked up human actions and began using them in their every day life." He said, blinked, then,

"Pardon me, but do you have a pen?" Heather reached into her purse and handed him a pen. Kowalski wrote as he spoke, eyes staring strait at Heather the whole time.

"At first it was quite simple things, then they started developing more abilities, creating tools, and at one point we believe they have even become more intelligent than some humans." Kowalski said. Skipper frowned, getting over the initial shock, and leaned forward ready to stop Kowalski before he blew their whole cover, when Kowalski handed Skipper the napkin.

Private, Rico, and Skipper looked at it. It was writing, so Private, who had taken to learning to read while Kowalski was, though he was a bit further behind, quietly translated to Rico and Skipper off to the side.

"He says it must be another side effect. Something about us having more room in the brain now, and the M.O. not knowing what to put in it's place. Somehow it's filled in all that extra brain in Kowalski with his cover story building. Like your aliases, Skippah, or when we snuck Bert out of the zoo. Now, since that part of his brain is so big, it acts almost instantly."

The three looked at each other apprehensively. If Kowalski's brain was filled with cover stories... what was going on with the rest of their brains?

By now, Heather was fascinated by the conversation, and Skipper and Private made a note to remain there to get the story down. Rico and Tina however, became extremely bored.

"So," Tina said looking at Rico, "you're a big guy, you work out a lot?" She asked. Rico grinned.

"You haf no idea." He said.

"Oh, nice voice, and is that a German accent?" she said, wiggling her fingers, "Bet you'd be good in karaoke." She said.  
"Good at what?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. He knew what karaoke was of course, they had been around the lemurs enough, but the very THOUGHT of him singing.

"You know, music, singing." She said. Rico shrugged, trying to get her away from the idea.

"Vouldn't- eheh, vouldn't know. I could barely efen talk until just tonight." He said. Tina looked at him, surprised.

"How come?" She asked. Again, Rico shrugged, glad to be off the singing topic.

"Vouldn't know. It vas one of Kowalski's infentions that had fixed me up. Completely by accident too." He said.

"Okay, you're boring me now. I say we try out this new voice of yours, come on." Rico started to protest, but Tina grabbed his wrist and jolted off.

So much for a change in subject.

"So as you can see there is quite a perfect reason that penguins are the best fit for survival." Kowalski concluded. He gasped for breath.

Heather was wide eyed with amazement and Kowalski smiled, glad for someone who actually listed to one of his lectures... even if he hadn't meant to give the lecture.

"Well my, my I would have absolutely never guessed that penguins were capable of that much." She said.

"Yes," Skipper said, becoming impatient, "well thank you for your help but we have to get back to our current situation. Come on Kowalski, Private, Ric- Rico?" Skipper looked around as did the others.

"Tina?" Heather called. Suddenly all the lights switched, the room suddenly becoming bright over a stage on the far right side of the room.

"Oh no..." Kowalski said.

Tina literally was dragging a protesting Rico onto the stage by his legs. Why the legs? Because his arms were to busy trying to grab and hold on to anything they could, for dear life.


	5. Petrol

A/N: I recommend opening this one up in youtube. www. youtube watch?v=0zZe7A5F2_s

-RoaML-

"Wait, wait!" Kowalski shouted. He turned to Heather. "Quick, do you have a device that can receive electrical signals from the world wide web?" He said. Heather looked at him.

"Like my cell phone?" She said, taking hers out of her purse.

"Yes, thank you!" He said snatching it from her and running off, leaving the other three standing there confused. Kowalski jogged back.  
"That thing is like Rico, it has EVERYTHING." He said, then ran off again. Skipper and Private looked at her purse. Private looked at Heather.

"Do you have a flame thrower in there?" He asked. She stared at him oddly.

"Uh, NO... I do have a lighter and a thing of perfume, though..." She said. Skipper squinted at her suspiciously and grabbed Private's should, bringing him back a couple of steps.

Kowalski arrived up at the stage and began disassembling the phone as he spoke. "Okay seeing as most of the human population is naturally stubborn I don't imagine I can convince you to let Rico go." Kowalski said.

"No," Tina said, "You can't, and I don't appreciate being called stubborn. Look I know he just got his voice back, but think of it this way, He's getting himself used to it." She said. "Besides, I'm letting him pick his own song. How bad can it be?" She said grinning. Kowalski nodded, the phone completely disabled and reassembled into something unrecognizable.

"Rico." He said. Rico leaned down obediently, and Kowalski attached the device to Rico's back. "There," He said, then whispered. "You can't read, remember? I've linked this device to an online dictionary. It will allow you to read the words but, the singing is all you. As you read, the device, which is now in sync with your brain functions, should pick up on the phonics. You'll know how to read in no time. Until then, good luck..." He said

Rico swallowed nervously as Kowalski left, and Tina stood at the end of the stairs. He walked over to the machine and began scrolling through songs.

No.  
No.  
No.  
N- Hey... what was that?

Rico looked over the lyrics, his eyes widening as he read them, a maniacal grin spread over his face as he listened to the track sample.

It was like it was MADE for him. He selected the song, and took his place center stage. It was unlike him to feel so nervous. The music had started and he stood there, waiting for the lyrics to come on screen. All too soon, the first words popped up, and he opened his mouth to begin.

**_Ich brauche Zeit, kein Heroin_**  
_(I need time, not heroin)_  
**_kein Alkohol, kein Nikotin_**  
_(nor alchohal, nor nicotine)_  
**_Brauch keine Hilfe, kein Koffein_**  
_(I don't need hel, nor caffien)_  
**_doch Dynamit und Terpentin_**  
_(just dynamite and turpuntine)_  
**_Ich brauche Öl für Gasolin_**  
_(I need oil, for gasoline)_  
**_explosiv wie Kerosin_**  
_(explosives like kerosine)_  
**_mit viel Oktan und frei von Blei_**  
_(with lots of octane and free of lead)_  
**_einen Kraftstoff wie Benzin_**  
_(a fuel like petrol)_

The moment he started, those words melted away his troubles. Oh explosives. How he loved them.

Meanwhile, Skipper, Kowalski, and Private were standing stock still in the crowd, unable to move due to shock. After a moment Kowalski spoke.

"It does make sense Skipper. Penguins are, at birth, talented singers... It's all got to do with nature." He said. Skipper looked up at him.

"Nature? THIS" Skipper said pointing to himself frantically in reference to their current situation, "THIS is not natural, because of THIS, you can just go take NATURE turn it sideways and-"

"Blafjglestflehem!" Kowalski cleared his throat and nudged his head towards Private, who was staring at them.

**_Brauch keinen Freund, kein Kokain_**  
_(I don't need a friend, nor cocain)_  
**_Brauch weder Arzt noch Medizin_**  
_(I need neither a doctor nor medicine)_  
**_Brauch keine Frau, nur Vaselin_**  
_(I don't need a woman, just Vaseline)_  
**_etwas Nitroglyzerin_**  
_(Some nitroglycerine)_  
**_Ich brauche Öl für Gasolin_**  
_(I need oil, for gasoline)_  
**_explosiv wie Kerosin_**  
_(explosives like kerosine)_  
**_mit viel Oktan und frei von Blei_**  
_(with lots of octane and free of lead)_

**_einen Kraftstoff wie Benzin_**  
_(a fuel like petrol)_

**_Gib mir Benzin_**  
_(give me petrol)_

"Wow," Heather said, "Who would have thought he'd be the singing type." Kowalski, Private, and Skipper looked at each other. Heather turned to the other three.

"What about you guys? Do you sing?" The other three stiffened.

"No, no we don't sing, we don't sing, we can't sing, we don't like to sing, don't make us sing." Kowalski said nervously, eyes wide. Heather laughed.

"Hey, you don't want to sing, I won't make you..." she said grinning.

"But your friend up there seems to be having fun."

**_Es fließt durch meine Venen_**  
_(It flows through my veins)_  
**_Es schläft in meinen Tränen_**  
_(it sleeps in my tears)_  
**_Es läuft mir aus den Ohren_**  
_(It leaks from my ears)_  
**_Herz und Nieren sind Motoren_**  
_(Heart and kidneys are motors)_

Rico loved this. It was practically a tribute to his greatest passion in life. He was grinning ear to ear, a crazed look in his eyes.

**_Benzin_**  
_(Petrol)_

He gave a maniacal laugh, knuckles white from gripping the mic. Oh how he'd need to let off this energy within the next few minutes.

**_Willst du dich von etwas trennen_**  
_(If you want to part with something)_  
**_dann musst du es verbrennen_**  
_(Then you have to incinerate it)_  
**_Willst du es nie wieder sehen_**  
_(If you never want to see it again)_  
**_lass es schwimmen in Benzin_**  
_(let it swim in petrol)_

**_Ich brauch Benzin_**  
_(I need petrol)_  
**_Gib mir Benzin_**  
_(give me petrol)_

Rico stepped down from the stage, despite the crowd cheering for an encore, and made his way over to where the others waited, Tina following closely behind. He stepped up by the other three and laughed nervously at their expression, while Tina came up behind him and threw her arm around his shoulder.

"YOU, my friend, can SING." she said grinning widely. Rico gave another nervous chuckle at her close proximity. Of course, it was then when things took a bit of a turn.

"Hey!" They all turned when they heard a loud voice shout at them. "What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend!" Rico had just enough time to utter a simple 'hu?' before the man took a swing, connecting sharply with Rico's jaw.


	6. The Fight

Rico landed hard on the floor. He shook his head and stared up in minor surprise at the man that just hit him. He was big, muscly, had brown hair and eyes, and looked like your stereotypical thinks he's all that, fighter, complete with the name brand close, bought just to make him look like he had money. Rico looked over at the others, questioningly. He spotted Tina first, who seemed utterly terrified, and then Heather who appeared worried.

"I told you already, Erik, We're through. He wasn't even doing anything, just leave him alone." She said. Erik just looked at here an scowled.

"And I said we're not. You've got no say." he turned back to Rico. "Now answer the question, what are you doing with my girlfriend?" He growled. Rico looked at Skipper, and Skipper frowned, shrugging.

"You're call Rico, just don't permanently damage him." Skipper said. Rico grinned a maniacal look in his eyes. After all that pent up energy he just made he was going to enjoy this. In one swift movement, Rico shifted all his weight behind him and, using his hands, pushed himself up into the air, landing on his feet. He snapped back into his fighting pose.

"Bring it on!" He shouted. There was now a wide arch around the two. Erik gritted his teeth, wavering a moment, then lunged at Rico. Everyone but Kowalski, Private, and Skipper winced, waiting for impact. Of course it didn't come. Rico's arm shot out grabbing Erik's fist and, using his own momentum, twisted the guy's arm behind his back latching on to the other arm as well.

"What the-!" The guy jerked and struggled to get loose. Rico only laughed. "Vhat's wrong Erik, you act like you're such a strong guy. Never met someone who fights like a penguin have you!" he said grinning. Rico kicked him to the ground and set one foot on his back. Erik glared up at two other guys, one who looked like he had more muscle and sense than Erik, the other looking like an idiot. The two charged forward latching onto Rico's arms and throwing him over the bar.

"Hey!" Skipper shouting stepping forward.

"I'm on it!" Rico shouted from behind the counter. One of the men jerked up, looking like he had just seen Rico sprout a second head, when suddenly he was knocked in the ribs with a baseball bat. He fell, gasping for breath.

"Son of a-" Rico jumped up swinging at the second man, quite clearly dislocating a shoulder, knocking him to the ground. Rico laughed his voice deep and maniacal. Erik fell back, horrified, when Rico took a swing at him.

"Stand down Rico." Skipper said crossing his arms. "I think they've had enough." Rico's eyes met Erik's, and Rico grinned wide, seeing he had clearly done the job. Rico swung the bat over his shoulder and walked over to the others. Tina and Heather stared at him, wide eyed.

"Where on Earth did you get that bat?" Heather asked.

"Uh..." Rico trailed off.

"Classified." Skipper said.

Erik got shakily to his feet.

Rico looked around, trying to find a place to stow away his bat. Finding none, he simply hurled it away, hearing the faint sound of shattering glass moments later. Tina laughed.

"You guys are the strangest people I've ever met." She said, yet again laying her arm over Rico's shoulders. Rico grunted affirmatively.

"Yes, well what would the world be without crazy people like us?" Skipper said grinning smugly.

"A conformist existence, resulting in a planet controlled by a series of robotic, clone-like humans and animals which would eventually lead to-... Ah, never mind." Kowalski blushed, seeing everyone staring at him. Rico shrugged.

"Who knows, who cares, so long as ve're here. I just think- "

"Rico!" Private shouted.

Time seemed to move in slow motion. Rico turned to where Private and the others were staring, terrified. He was met with Erik, his arm well past halfway through a swing, a simple pocket knife in hand. Suddenly time sped up again. Rico felt a searing pain across his face and dropped to the ground, hands clutching the left side of his face.

"Ascanio Sobriero, my face is in pain!" Rico shouted. Erik lunged at Rico again, but before he could accomplish anything, Skipper ran up, wrapping his arm across Erik's chest, flinging him as high as he could, then in the same swift motion bringing his foot up and slamming it down on Erik's chest as he fell. He was out like a light. Skipper glared for a moment then whipped around to Rico, kneeling down beside him, and grabbing his shoulders.

"Rico. Rico, speak to me man!" Skipper said. Rico lay there quiet a moment, then slowly removed his hands from his face. The others gasped. There was a long gash across his face, leading from just above his left eyebrow, over the bridge of his nose, and ending just under his right eye.

Rico looked at his hands, shaking.

"I'm bleeding."

-RoaML-

Kowalski finished placing the bandage over the long gash in Rico's face, having just finished stitching it shut. They were currently in a car being driven by Heather, which they insisted was a bad place to hold a needle to someone's face though Skipper assured then that Kowalski was a well trained medic, apparently heading to Tina's place.

"Just about finished Rico." Kowalski said quietly, securing the bandage. Rico sighed and leaned back, grumbling, clearly unhappy about the ending of the night's events.

"Alright, we're here." Heather said, parking the car in front of an apartment complex. A small one at that, having three buildings, two of which were two story, the last only one. Tina and Heather got out of the front and snickered momentarily as the other four struggled to get out of their crammed positions in the back. Finally Tina opened the door and they tumbled out.

"So..." she started awkwardly. "Well, I feel bad about what happened tonight, and... you guys are new here and seem a bit lost... why don't you all stay over at my place. Heather's going to be here too, we already paid a sitter to watch her son until tomorrow morning." Tina said. Kowalski looked up.

"You... have a son?" Heather grinned sheepishly.

"Uh, yeah, single mom at thirty two... Ah, just the wrong guy I guess, whatcha gonna do...?" She said shrugging and turning away. Kowalski looked at her curiously, trying to figure out exactly how she was feeling. Emotions and women, something he was never good with.

"Come on," Tina said, not waiting for them to accept her invitation. "We've seriously got to tell this story to my upstairs neighbor." She said grinning, walking up the steps, the others following. She knocked on the upstairs door, calling out.

"Hey! Hey Alice!" Tina called. The four penguins slowly tensed.

"Skippah... you don't think..." Skipper frowned looking up to the sky. "In ALL of Manhattan, SURELY NOT-" The four cringed, when the familiar red head opened the door to the apartment. She froze and looked at the four.

"Woah... who's your friends?"


	7. Backtracking

Marlene picked up her tray full of oysters. It wasn't often she could have oysters like this, and she thought now was the perfect time. The humans all left early do to the thunderstorm, so she could even take a run over to the penguins' habitat to share them. She knew of course they liked fish not oysters, but still, it never hurt to visit right? She grinned at the thought, making her way to the pathway, Skipper and the others had excavated just for her. It lead to the Private's first prize entrance. Suddenly there was a loud crack of thunder and the power went out.

"Ah!" Marlene shouted as she tripped and fell, scattering the oysters everywhere. "Oh, just great." She grumbled picking herself up. She stumbled around trying to find her tray and all the oysters. Finally after a moment she stood up.

"Okay," She mumbled to herself, "one, two, three" She continued to count the oysters. "Oh, I'm missing o-" Marlene shrieked and dropped the tray when she heard an explosion from the penguins' habitat that caused the whole ground to shake. She stood stock still. She could have swore... she heard them all scream. Marlene rushed forward to the penguin habitat... or... at least she tried to, but ended up smacking to the wall instead.

"Ow." She whined quietly, rubbing her nose. Keeping her hands along the wall she edged around trying to find the entrance. It was amazing how dark it got so quickly, even with the power out. She stumbled around until she found herself at the cave entrance. She frowned at the rain still pouring outside, having wanted to end up at the passageway. It would do, though.

Marlene slipped out and dove into the water, launching herself up with a flip to the top of the fence around her enclosure. She froze when she heard whispering and scuffling. Ducking down as though the bars would hide her Marlene slowly peered around one of them. She frowned seeing shadows moving about, but was unable to make out much else. Suddenly the four shadows dropped to the ground and lay there for a moment. She raised an eyebrow.

What were they doing? This was strange behavior even for humans. She dropped herself down more when the shadows moved again, getting up and running for the gift shop. Once, they were out of sight, Marlene launched herself over the fence and began making her way over to the penguin's habitat. She didn't get far before she muttered in pain, holding her foot. What had she stepped on?

Suddenly lights flickered and power was returned to the zoo. Her eyes fluttered as they adjusted to the sudden change in lighting, even though it was still fairly dim. Her first thought was how amazed she was that no one had freaked out, in that short amount of time. Apparently they had all learned their lesson after the whole jungle law incident... Then she opened her eyes and all other thoughts were pushed out of her mind. It was a good thing that the zoo had closed early that day, because if it hadn't the zookeepers would not have left long before then, and had that not happened, one of them might have noticed an otter screaming outside her habitat.

Marlene rushed over to the penguin habitat, leaping over chunks of concrete and bent metal. The habitat had been completely blown apart, the water still steaming, and the artificial ice floe nothing but chunks of rubble now. Marlene ran up and grasped the railing, which was bent and mangled beyond repair.

"Skipper!" She shouted. "Guys! Guys can you hear me!" Her voice became more frantic. "Skipper! Skipper!" Marlene started when she hear a voice behind her.

"What is with all da yelling, I am trying to have my kingly beauty nap, not that I need one of course, which I cannot do if there is to be screaming!" Julien said angrily jumping over his wall and walking up to her. Maurice looked around wide eyed.

"What happened!" Marlene stood there shaking, at a loss for words.

"What the dickens?" Phil and Mason wondered over to the habitat wide eyed. "Everyone heard, and felt, the explosion. What happened?" Mason asked, astonished. Marlene remained silent for a moment, then finally managed to speak up.

"I- I don't know, I just, the penguins- an explosion- I- I- tried to call out to them but... none of them answered, and a few minuted ago I saw four guys running out of the zoo." She said, stuttering. Phil grimaced and signed quickly.

"Oh, dear, I certainly hope not." Mason said grimacing as well. Marlene turned to the two, and Maurice stared, while, of course, Julien was in his own world frowning disapprovingly at a bit of fruit Mort had fetched for him.

"What? You don't hope what?" Marlene asked frantically.

"Eh, well, Phil and I have had our experiences with the penguins..." He glanced down at Maurice. "When they were trying to get back home from Madagascar... and Maurice has told us a couple of stories... One in particular involving Christmas day and a few reindeer." Mason looked down at Marlene who was looking up at him intently. "You wouldn't think it, Marlene, but those penguins do have enemies. Phil... suggested the possibility of an attack on the penguins... meaning their lack of response either means they've been kidnapped, or..." Mason trailed off.

"Oh, man..." Maurice mumbled under his breath.

"Wha... you mean, that, they might be... No," Marlene laughed nervously. "No, no, you're way off, they weren't attacked, I- I mean we live in a zoo, they're just a bunch of penguins who think they need all that- that training and stuff, and- and, just no-" Marlene waved her arms once, and shook her head defensively. "I- I mean, just watch, it's just another one of their inventions gone wrong, they're trapped is all, not hurt, not kidnapped, not- not, just watch I'll go get them!" Marlene, leaped over the railing.

"Wait!" Mason shouted, and reached out, grabbing Marlene's tail before she touched the water. He yanked her back.

"Ow! What-" Mason interrupted her.

"Forgive me Marlene, but..." Mason yanked a leaf from Julien's crown. Julien looked up.

"What was dat?"

Mason looked at the steaming water and dropped the leaf in. It drifted downwards slowly being slightly kept aloft by the rising hot air. Down, down, down, the stem of the leaf touched the water and before the rest had a chance to land it spontaneously combusted, bursting into a white flame and crumbling into ash, that then proceeded to drift along in the water. Marlene swallowed, and Maurice's eyes went wide.

"Thanks..." Marlene squeaked. Maurice turned to Phil and Mason. "Well, what do we do then?" Julien sent Mort sailing through the air as Phil signed to Mason. He sighed.

"Phil's right, the only thing we can do is wait. If they did in fact survive, then they will be back." Mason said.

"What? That's it?" Marlene asked. Mason nodded.

"I'm afraid so."

Marlene stood there staring at them all as they walked away.


	8. Alice

Private, Kowalski, Rico, and Skipper sat very nervously, crushed together on a couch in Alice's apartment, Heather sitting in a kitchen chair pulled into the living room, Alice sitting in her chair, and Tina standing by the wall waving her arms wildly as she reenacted the fight.

"-then out of no where, I swear, he takes this baseball bat and beats the other guy off of him! They won't even tell us where he got it." She said grinning. Alice looked at the four and they grinned nervously.

"Do you think she suspects anything?" Private whispered through his teeth as Tina went on. He was referring to, not only did she suspect they were actually penguins turned human, but also referring to, did she suspect that they were all wearing stolen clothes...

"Dunno, just... smile and wave boys, just smile and wave." He said with a very nervous laugh. Alice turned away from them, and they all sighed with relief. As Tina finished up the story, the four penguins couldn't help but notice with confusion, how Alice looked different than she did on the job. Younger, perhaps, but certainly more relaxed. the four were snapped out of their thoughts when Alice clasped her hands together.

"Well," She said grinning. "A friend of theirs is a friend of mine. Kicking the crap out of Erik didn't hurt either, he's a creep." She said chuckling. Rico grinned proudly and the four relaxed a little "And," Alice began. "That story about those penguin explains a lot." They tensed again, more so than before.

"Really," Kowalski said with a forced grin. "you don't say..." Alice nodded.

"Yeah," she turned her head to Heather and Tina. "remember what I was telling you guys? You thought I was crazy, I told you those penguins are the ones causing all that trouble." She said. Skipper frowned.

"Hey, what makes you think they're the ones causing the trouble? How do you know they're not just defending their own?" He said, pointing a finger at her. Alice shrugged.

"Hey, I've got no problem with penguins in general, just the ones I have to take care of every day. They've come close to getting me fired from my job on several occasions." She said. Skipper lowered his hand a little.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Oh, god it's a long story." She said rolling her eyes. "First I have to deal with those penguins, a lion, a zebra, a giraffe, and a hippo escaping from the zoo one night right? That I'm surprised didn't get me fired right then, what with all the environmentalists protesting how 'they want to be free to roam around their natural habitat' and all that crap." She said sat up strait and look at the others. "Look, out there, animals die. Here in the zoo, they live with me waiting on their every hand and foot... or... well you get the picture. It's why I wanted a job as a zookeeper to begin with." She said, leaning back in her chair. Kowalski sat up.

"You mean... to take care of the animal that you assume would otherwise die on the wild?" He said. Alice looked at him.

"Duh." she said. The four looked at each other. "Anyway," She continued. "Those animals get shipped off, transported to another zoo, and I think everything will be fine, right? But no. I get a call a day later saying the animals haven't arrived, now here I am dealing with law suites, more angry environmentalists, and the fact that our main attraction was missing as well." She said. Tina walked into the kitchen and started rummaging through Alice's fridge, having already heard this story a million times. Heather had too of course, she was just... pretending to be more polite. The others, however, seemed quite interested.

"I will give them one thing," She said. She turned to Tina and mumbled something to her. In response Tina threw her a coke, which Alice caught with surprising ease. "Those penguins did save me on one occasion. And I know it was them too. I wake up one day and find those empty habitats full of animals. The penguins are back, and along with them we've got lemurs and Chimpanzees. Two days later we've got an otter shipped in. Next thing you know the zoo's back up and running again, and everything seems to be going great." she said, waving her hand in the air, and taking a long drink.

"But..." Kowaski said. Alice swallowed and looked at him.

"Hu?" She asked. Kowalski leaned forward.

"I said 'But', as quite obviously, I assume this is not the end of your story. You still seem to have a thing against the penguins." Kowalski said. Alice looked at him, then set her can down and nodded.

"Yep. Not my fault either, they started it. I try to be a good zoo keeper, but you know, after a while the job gets to you. People really don't get it. As head zookeeper not only do I have to do my job, but I have to pick up on everyone else's when they slack off. I clean the zoo and the habitats, sometimes the animals themselves, I feed the animals, I keep every day maintenance, I'm a tour guide, I do heavy lifting, I man the snack area, I manage daily calls and complaints, I'm the one who does the research on what the animals should and should not be eating, I keep an eye on each and every one of the animals every day to make sure nothing's wrong, I monitor shipments, and a whole lot more. And let me tell you, I sure don't get a single thanks for it." She said, waving her arms around with exaggerated gestures.

"No, after all that, what I get it people complaining, countless questions from school children, and my supervisor telling me I'm doing a terrible job. I've got a lit of shit to do damn it, of course I'm going to miss things!" By now, of course, she was getting worked up. She did calm down after a moment, though.

"Then I have to deal with those penguins every day. I'm not sure what they're doing, but shipments of fish go missing, sometimes I don't see them in their habitat, and you have no idea how many times we've had explosions in that zoo, in that _habitat_alone!" She said, looking at them, taking another drink. She set her can down again, and the four leaned back, attempting to get comfortable. It seemed they'd be there a while.

"I swear," She said. "One more thing happens, I'm going to end up getting fired for sure. they're going to fire me, and I won't be able to pay anything since it's hard enough as it is, and I'm going to end up getting kicked out again." She said bluntly. Suddenly Alice frowned and she picked up a cell phone.

"Ah, hold on, it's Maurice, he's another zookeeper." She said flipping he phone open. She listened for a minute, then her eyes widened. "What!?"

The four penguins swallowed nervously.

**-RoaML-**

I would just like to point out something.

Reviews are nice.

I have been getting... like one review or so.

I know more people than that read it.

I am watching you people. O^O


End file.
